This is a link to my cartoon book. A celebrity said, “So funny, that I had to shoot a friend in order to stop laughing”.
September 8th, 2010Early preview of the latest gangsta rap from MC Stabby Stab, in praise of the ale, Suck the Doom – EXPLICIT LYRICS
September 8th, 2010Suck the Doom
I refuse to mix my drinks; I like my ale, so get the fuck down the boozer where that shit’s on sale
If you want to come join me for a couple of pints, you’ll fucking find me in the bar, most every night
You know my favourite tipple, I like to consume, is this mother fucking pint, by the name of Doom
She’s a Cornish brew and she comes from Rock, I put my face to her lip and get tingles in my cock
And all that top shelf shit, whiskey and gin, can go fuck itself, with its spiritual sin
The only top shelf that I’ve ever liked, that’s the corner shop porn, with the old fucking dykes
So ignore your mates when you buy a round, ignore the glamour and ignore the fucking crowd
Take the orders and smile, make an honest face, you’ll only buy them ale and they’ll enjoy the fucking taste.
Chorus
Supping on that sweet 5, 6, 8 (ml)
Slump yourself in the gutter and appreciate
Supping on that sweet 5, 6, 8 (ml)
That’s a standard liquid measurement of volume, not weight
Verse 2
I’ve drunk the brown since the age of five and it’s a fucking shock, that I’m still alive
Now I should be dead, but I’m a fucking survivor and my bitch keeps me safe, she’s the designated driver
Cause I needed a woman who could tame the beast, with my mad fucking cravings for the hops and yeast,
And she’s done the job and here’s the rub, she’s the fucking landlady, of my local pub
And she satisfies me, in so many ways, but most importantly she pours me ales
And when I sick up my guts, at the end of the night, she tucks me in bed and turns out the light
So you see from this, that my life is defined, by an ancient brew from the dawn of time
And the moral of the story, there isn’t one, so get the fuck down the pub and grab an ale in the sun.
Chorus
Supping on that sweet 5, 6, 8 (ml)
Slump yourself in the gutter and appreciate
Supping on that sweet 5, 6, 8 (ml)
That’s a standard liquid measurement of volume, not weight
Yeah
Cartoons and things by Simon French
The censored version of my previous cartoon post about the Blair biography
September 3rd, 2010This is the censored version of my previously posted Tony Blair cartoon. Clearly the Totnes Times is very popular with the Blairs and it seems the humourous context of the list is not quite clear enough in the other cartoon.
[Click image to enlarge]
Cartoons and things by Simon French
The Tony Blair Biography – His regrets, wasted opportunities and stuff – A cartoon
September 3rd, 2010The cartoon below is from the Totnes Times and is an example of a weekly cartoon I produce using my mind and a computer. It’s about political stuff and shit innit.
[Click image to enlarge]
Cartoons and things by Simon French
What is the nature of celebrity, who is a ’star’, what is a ‘fan’?
September 1st, 2010
[Click image to enlarge]
Cartoons and things by Simon French
A scary blue monster from the pits of doom, with a beak.
August 17th, 2010
A monster called 'John the blue'
[Click image to enlarge]
Cartoons and things by Simon French
A cartoon after The Arcade Fire, ‘City With No Children’
August 12th, 2010
[Click on cartoon to enlarge]
Good album, but then, it was never not going to be a good album.
Cartoons and things by Simon French
The new Monkey Boy graphic novel, possibly soon to be released my Marvel Comics, or not.
August 5th, 2010First off, some Monkey Boy facts:
- Born, 05/06/2000
- Height, 5′14″
- Two eyes (facial)
- Left and right handed
- Super power, ‘Super Near-Sightedness’
- Hat peak, to the right, as seen face on
- Favourite drink is coloured milk
- Favourite music, Brazilian ‘Mega Trance’
- Married to glamour model, Favoriza Tongs
- Won silver in 2006 European Championship female discuss competition
- All information produced on him always creates a vague half-pyramid shape, however they are written
Cartoons and things by Simon French
The greatest show on earth, Senior Chip Face and His Amazing Fly (contains mild nudity and extreme crouching)
August 2nd, 2010Welcome to ‘The Greatest Show On Earth’, it’s ‘Senior Chip Face and His Amazing Fly’.
Senior Chip Face has been touring Europe for the past thirty years, performing shows to audiences ranging from kings and queens, to the poorest dregs of society.
His death –defying show has to be seen to be believed. It consists of and eight hour performance, where Senior Chip Face enters a cage, with a real fruit-fly and makes it perform tricks of wonderment, that will make you laugh, cry, scream, giggle, glance sideways, cry again (for a different reason), and finally, leave, with a mild sense of regret.
So come and see Senior Chip Face, at the Newton Abbot tip on August 23rd 2010 (doors open at 3.00am). Tickets are £35.00 Adult, £37.00 Child, £45.00 Senior (not Senior), and Student and £12.00 Family (3 adults and 1 child).
[Click on poster to enlarge]
Parental advisory, contains mild nudity and extreme crouching.
Cartoons and things by Simon French
The revolutionary ‘Super Albatross Single-User Ultra Helicopter’, bringing affordable helicopters to the peoples
July 29th, 2010The below image is an amazing shot taken of the top secret ‘Super Albatross Single-User Ultra Helicopter’, made by Topgun Industries, Japan, Dorset, Switzerland.
The ‘Super Albatross Single-User Ultra Helicopter’, will be the first helicopter that will be within the price range of the common man.
Starting at £4537.00 (model shown is the 4 stroke ‘Super Queen Albatross Single-User Ultra Helicopter’, in racing green £90,000.00), the ‘Super Albatross Single-User Ultra Helicopter’, includes such cost saving innovations as:
- No seats
- Plastic blades
- No guns
- Only one speed
- Manual retracting wheels
- No cup-holders
- Lightweight ‘Pasta Skeleton’ framework
Mr Tobibanskyki, head designer from Topgun Industries, Japan, Dorset, Switzerland, introduced the ‘Super Albatross Single-User Ultra Helicopter’, at the ‘Super Albatross Single-User Ultra Helicopter’ introduction show in the hanger at Topgun Industries, Japan, Dorset, Switzerland. Mr Tobibanskyki said, “Helicopter is fast light you go speed is lightning and blue light is cheap my helicopter”.
The first exclusive image
[click on image to enlarge]
If you are interested in purchasing a helicopter from the range of ‘Super Albatross Single-User Ultra Helicopter’, please contact from Topgun Industries, Japan, Dorset, Switzerland and ask for the brochure of ‘Super Albatross Single-User Ultra Helicopters’, or go to the ‘Super Albatross Single-User Ultra Helicopter’ website.
Cartoons and things by Simon French
